his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Girls should come with a carfax report
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
