Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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