she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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