the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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