I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
