You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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