I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize