Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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