wat bout pragnant strippers??
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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