Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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