Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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