To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we're so committed to being not committed
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