i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
