Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
