You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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