Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A+ Viking dick
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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