True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
