Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
