Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
