GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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