my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
