I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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