Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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