I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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