his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
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