he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
