I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
