I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
