Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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