I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize