"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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