i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize