Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
