put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
