genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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