my soul wont recognize me after tonight
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
