Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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