life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
