my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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