Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
