we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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