sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just found puke in my bra..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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