Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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