btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
