Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
