morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
