what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
