# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize