just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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