Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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