She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
