I just saw a hot homeless man
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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