i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
