all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
