I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
