mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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