I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
