Just fell off a train. Bad.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
