whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
