he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
