Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
