Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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