im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
