How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
