do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
