Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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