So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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