WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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