On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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