My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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