One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
