I wanna passion pit in your ass
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize